Day: July 15, 2019

Words to Say and Things to Do
by Kathleen Trainor, PsyD

My kids have anxiety (in different ways, and only one of them is actually diagnosed). I think I probably do to some extent as well- as it seems to run in the family. I picked up this book just wanting to learn more about what\’s appropriate or helpful to say in certain situations. I was honestly surprised at how relevant, practical and comprehensive this book is. It all feels very familiar. Either I have seen some of the behaviors the author describes, in those around me (not just family but also acquaintances and other people I\’ve known) or recognize them in myself. Lots of people probably have a little bit of anxiety, OCD, avoidance tendencies etc, it\’s not really a problem until it becomes overwhelming and interferes with everyday life, as the author points out.

Well, the author works a lot with children. She uses a particular method of cognitive behavior therapy that is very structured. The steps are to recognize problematic thoughts and behaviors caused by anxiety, rate their level of difficulty (in overcoming), map out strategies for improvement, come up with positive thoughts to replace negative ones, decide on a reward system, and track progress. It\’s very much centered on getting kids involved in their own treatment, letting them feel they\’re in control of changing how they think and feel. The examples- all from real patient cases- sounded like problems I have seen many people face (or heard about). Some I really wondered how the method would work, in particular with an older kid who was resentful at even being in the therapist\’s office and didn\’t see anything wrong with his life- but in the end it did.

There are, in this book, kids who won\’t sleep on their own, worry constantly about their health, stress to the point of illness over schoolwork, feel a compulsive need to be clean, avoid all outside situations (preferring to play computer games literally all day), pull out their own hair, have specific phobias, and more. And we\’re talking to the point of disrupting the entire family life- the girl who was afraid of dogs, for example, got so terrified she would not play outside for fear of encountering a dog in the neighborhood, or go to any friend\’s house if they had a dog. There was a kid so petrified of bugs he would run screaming from the house to his car whenever he had to go somewhere. A very small child with a severe phobia of water after suffering a burn from boiling hot water that spilled on her, would have panic attacks if even a drop landed on her arm. She couldn\’t take a bath, walk outside when it was raining, go swimming, etc. Some of the situations looked very simple on the surface until the therapist started helping them examine things, others looked very complicated and confusing until they sat down and figured out the root cause. (The beginning of the book explains the biological causes of anxiety, how the brain works in terms of fear response, and how culture or family situations can sometimes add to it). There was also a section about helping kids overcome PTSD caused by traumatic situations, which was a bit hard to read, but very eye-opening.

I thought at first this book would be boring or clinical, but in fact it was interesting and I felt like I learned a ton. Not that I would implement a program based on what I read alone, but it sure did make me aware of how things can be dealt with, especially  how kids can literally train their brains to think/feel differently, and to have more compassion for people who struggle with certain aspects of anxiety.

Borrowed from the public library.

Rating: 4/5                249 pages, 2016

DISCLAIMER:

All books reviewed on this site are owned by me, or borrowed from the public library. Exceptions are a very occasional review copy sent to me by a publisher or author, as noted. Receiving a book does not influence my opinion or evaluation of it

SUBSCRIBE VIA EMAIL:

Subscribe to my blog:

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.

VIEW MY PERSONAL COLLECTION:

TRADE BOOKS WITH ME ON:

ARCHIVES: 

2024
January 2024 (21)February 2024 (22)March 2024 (39)
2023
January 2023 (27)February 2023 (23)March 2023 (25)April 2023 (11)May 2023 (17)June 2023 (11)July 2023 (23)August 2023 (23)September 2023 (14)October 2023 (14)November 2023 (26)December 2023 (14)
2022
January 2022 (12)February 2022 (7)March 2022 (13)April 2022 (16)May 2022 (13)June 2022 (21)July 2022 (15)August 2022 (27)September 2022 (10)October 2022 (17)November 2022 (16)December 2022 (23)
2021
January 2021 (14)February 2021 (13)March 2021 (14)April 2021 (7)May 2021 (10)June 2021 (5)July 2021 (10)August 2021 (27)September 2021 (16)October 2021 (11)November 2021 (14)December 2021 (12)
2020
January 2020 (14)February 2020 (6)March 2020 (10)April 2020 (1)May 2020 (10)June 2020 (15)July 2020 (13)August 2020 (26)September 2020 (10)October 2020 (9)November 2020 (16)December 2020 (22)
2019
January 2019 (12)February 2019 (9)March 2019 (5)April 2019 (10)May 2019 (9)June 2019 (6)July 2019 (18)August 2019 (13)September 2019 (13)October 2019 (7)November 2019 (5)December 2019 (18)
2018
January 2018 (17)February 2018 (18)March 2018 (9)April 2018 (9)May 2018 (6)June 2018 (21)July 2018 (12)August 2018 (7)September 2018 (13)October 2018 (15)November 2018 (10)December 2018 (13)
2017
January 2017 (19)February 2017 (12)March 2017 (7)April 2017 (4)May 2017 (5)June 2017 (8)July 2017 (13)August 2017 (17)September 2017 (12)October 2017 (15)November 2017 (14)December 2017 (11)
2016
January 2016 (5)February 2016 (14)March 2016 (5)April 2016 (6)May 2016 (14)June 2016 (12)July 2016 (11)August 2016 (11)September 2016 (11)October 2016 (9)November 2016 (1)December 2016 (3)
2015
January 2015 (9)February 2015 (9)March 2015 (11)April 2015 (10)May 2015 (10)June 2015 (2)July 2015 (12)August 2015 (13)September 2015 (16)October 2015 (13)November 2015 (10)December 2015 (14)
2014
January 2014 (14)February 2014 (11)March 2014 (5)April 2014 (15)May 2014 (12)June 2014 (17)July 2014 (22)August 2014 (19)September 2014 (10)October 2014 (19)November 2014 (14)December 2014 (14)
2013
January 2013 (25)February 2013 (28)March 2013 (18)April 2013 (21)May 2013 (12)June 2013 (7)July 2013 (13)August 2013 (25)September 2013 (24)October 2013 (17)November 2013 (18)December 2013 (20)
2012
January 2012 (21)February 2012 (19)March 2012 (9)April 2012 (23)May 2012 (31)June 2012 (21)July 2012 (19)August 2012 (16)September 2012 (4)October 2012 (2)November 2012 (7)December 2012 (19)
2011
January 2011 (26)February 2011 (22)March 2011 (18)April 2011 (11)May 2011 (6)June 2011 (7)July 2011 (10)August 2011 (9)September 2011 (14)October 2011 (13)November 2011 (15)December 2011 (22)
2010
January 2010 (27)February 2010 (19)March 2010 (20)April 2010 (24)May 2010 (22)June 2010 (24)July 2010 (31)August 2010 (17)September 2010 (18)October 2010 (11)November 2010 (13)December 2010 (19)
2009
January 2009 (23)February 2009 (26)March 2009 (32)April 2009 (22)May 2009 (18)June 2009 (26)July 2009 (34)August 2009 (31)September 2009 (30)October 2009 (23)November 2009 (26)December 2009 (18)
2008
January 2008 (35)February 2008 (26)March 2008 (33)April 2008 (15)May 2008 (29)June 2008 (29)July 2008 (29)August 2008 (34)September 2008 (29)October 2008 (27)November 2008 (27)December 2008 (24)
2007
August 2007 (12)September 2007 (28)October 2007 (27)November 2007 (28)December 2007 (14)
2006
2005
2004
2003
2002
2001
2000
1999
1998
1997
1996
1995
1994
1993
1992
1991
1990
1989
1988
1987
1986
1985
1984
1983
1982
1981
1980
1979
1978
1977
1976
1975
1974
1973
1972
1971
1970
1969
1968
1967
1966
1965
1964
1963
1962
1961
1960
1959
1958
1957
1956
1955
1954
1953
1952
1951
1950